SKI TOWN, USA — The gods of ski town romance were tempted Thursday when a car camper hosted a fancy, romantic dinner (tacos and PBR) for a burgeoning love interest.
The spot, chosen by 25-year-old Jake Bowers because it has “no cops, a nearby park power outlet — and porta-potty access,” reportedly failed to impress Hannah Mitchell, 23, who told TGR that she was dismayed to find that the cute boy who’d asked her out to dinner was, to her horror, “actually homeless.”
“He told me he was going to make me a gourmet dinner in his kitchen,” Mitchell said. “But the guy doesn’t have a kitchen — he’s got a gas burner and a water jug.”
Already 10 beers deep by the time of Mitchell’s arrival, Bowers allegedly tried his best to woo the young ski town seductress, offering up games of cribbage, thumb wars and the time-tested “platonic” back massage, all of which failed to override the young woman’s belief that Bowers simply wasn’t the dirtbag for her.
The ski bum’s noble, but futile, attempts at seduction were ultimately thwarted when an anonymous homeowner called law enforcement to rein-in and put a stop to the street-level courtship.
NOTHING IS MORE ROMANTIC THAN TACOS, PBR AND THE SMELL OF EXHAUST.
“She was finally warming up,” Bowers said. “But any chance I had got ruined when that cop rolled up and kept referring to my house as a ‘car.’ Nothing is more romantic than tacos, PBR and the smell of exhaust as vehicles pass by.”
Shortly after the humiliating run-in with law enforcement, the thwarted would-be lovers parted ways, with Bowers retreating into the snugly confines of his Xterra to lay awake for seven hours vetting Tinder and Bumble matches.