Culture

Man Stoked To Finally Get Shot With Buddy’s Ex

JACKSON, Wyo. — A local Jackson man found renewed romantic purpose Thursday after making plans to “Netflix and chill” with a mutual friend’s freshly minted ex-girlfriend.

Citing Tinder as the platform that prompted the morally-questionable rendezvous, 26-year-old ginger Cory “Dirty D” Walker fought off criticism from his social circle, insisting that the two and a half weeks since the breakup was “more than enough time” for his heartbroken bro to get over it.

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Friends of Dirty D said they were unsurprised by the unsanctioned swooping, as he’s gained a reputation as the go-to rebound for several of his bros’ exes over the last two seasons.

“Fuck that guy,” one of his bros told TGR.

Sources close to the newly formed mountain couple acknowledge the two make a pretty good pair, and say they expect the relationship to last for quite a while, or as one friend put it, “At least a month and a half.”

The jilted friend at the losing end of the breakup, who requested to remain anonymous, said during a Skype interview that he’s lost the will to go skiing, biking, running, drinking, or any other activity that requires the appearance of happiness or general well-being.

We all need a place to sleep and put gear, and [her ex] just wasn’t able to give her that. No hard feelings, she’d just rather spend her time with me than him—what’s the big deal?

But despite drawing the ire of his friends, Dirty D maintains he did nothing wrong, and insists he’s always had a love/hate relationship with his bros. “In that, I love them, but they hate me,” he said.

However, Dirty D also told TGR that he saw this coming a mile away.

“I’m not really that surprised,” he said. “I just finished retrofitting my sweet-ass van for the spring and summer, so as far as mating and being a provider goes, I’m obviously the better option. We all need a place to sleep and put gear, and [her ex] just wasn’t able to give her that. No hard feelings, she’d just rather spend all her time with me than him—what’s the big deal?”

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Categories: Culture

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